Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
