you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
