It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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