"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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