I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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