I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I have tasted many bathrooms
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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