Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My vagina is very pro this idea
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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