New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
