Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
