I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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