woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
