Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
