can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize