The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
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I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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