i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
