Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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