Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
