i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
