i jhust puked up my retainher.
too bad you live with your parents still
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize