Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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