eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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