genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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