You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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