I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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