I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
