Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
