I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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