New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
