she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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