Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize