people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
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He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
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Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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