When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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