11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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