If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again