My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
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the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
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speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES