I'm in love with you.
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together