Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??