wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???