we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....