I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
