Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
