I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
