I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
my shit smells like andre
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
