areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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