In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
