i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
