Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
