Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
