i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
