There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
