Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
