we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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