One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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