That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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