He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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