Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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