I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
