so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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