It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
