i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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