exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
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He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
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Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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