What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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