My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
