This dress was meant to end up on your floor
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
