clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
