i was born a porn star she said
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
