Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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