3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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