i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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