So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
